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"After over a decade of having to depend on someone for your every need and desire, it is nice to get some independence and have your own space finally.", thinks every teenager fleeing to a college dorm or getting their first apartment.
"I just wish I knew what my mom would do at this moment...the distance between my home and hers is becoming more than I can stand.", thinks every adult going through a tough season that they want someone to speak to and support them in.
We have seasons of seeking independence and craving closeness. The desire to do it on our own is healthy, but in the U.S. it is also a very intentionally pushed cultural norm. I remember when my husband was deployed and decided to move my son and myself in with my parents for a year. It was very interesting to hear the different takes on this decision from my friends who I trust and love. The main flavor was: that may suck. I cannot say that I wasn't worried that things may get frustrating but the number one concept that crushed my doubts about moving is the fact that my parents are not from the U.S. and I was very much raised with the idea that we are supposed to succeed and provide for ourselves and eventually the family we choose and raise, however, moving away was never a part of that definition of success.
There was no pressure to leave which meant going back for the extra support and intimacy I would need while my husband was gone was a very natural reaction. It ended up being a huge blessing for my family and I have zero regrets. I share this story with you to say, together or getting help or communal achievement are not dirty words. We need each other to learn, grow, mature, succeed, and survive. Cutting others out of your journey to wherever you will end up is a huge mistake.
I encourage you to analyze what you have been raised with and influenced to think about what community is for and how you can attain it. How are you communicating your role in your friend groups as an all-in or as a conditional participant? Are you investing more in the digital world than in your physical communities?
Community is the first topic I am tackling in 2023. If you want an in-depth look at the way community can bless, enhance, and sustain your clients and your team, subscribe to my Substack!
To gain some perspective and tools to enhance and understand the role of community in your life, here are some Remedy House resources:
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